I can tuck mytits in my pants
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
