Welp...herpes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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