your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
