Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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