It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
