My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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