remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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