My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she pinky promised me she was 18
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
