I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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