first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
