I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
