have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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