You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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