Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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