Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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