last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize