From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
