I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
