He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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