i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
