I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize