I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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