a queef is a wish your heart makes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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