You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
