Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
