I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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