We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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