I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
