the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
