i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
