Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
