i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
