The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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