if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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