so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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