what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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