Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
