I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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