I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
