I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
