Yo dont text me then not text me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
