I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
