I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
