you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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