you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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