i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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