I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
