He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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