omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
