She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize