u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You ruined the universe
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
