when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
