I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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