Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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