i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize