apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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