member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
