I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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