I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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