I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
