i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
