i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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