we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
