you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize