This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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