Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
