I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
