He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's blow job season.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
