someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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